My work is located in Amsterdam. I go by bicycle, train, metro and foot and when I arrive I start up my computer, drink some tea and look outside. The looking outside is a ritual much used within the company. It is a way to relax the eyes and think. The latter especially for the programmers. The rest, I'm guessing, just think about the times after and before work. So this morning I stood there. I wasn't thinking yet. I was just standing there and looking at the people walking by. Many were rushing to the metro afraid of being late at work or school or that one important appointment with the girl or boy of their dreams. Amsterdam holds many cultures and the walking ritual shows a perfect reflection of that. I saw people from Suriname, people from China (followed by suitcases), Romans, Americans (with badges showing me they were going to a convention) and people from Amsterdam itself. So I stood there and a truck stopped. It did so because there's a car repair shop underneath the company I work for. So there can be trucks seen loading up the cars with dents or bringing the newly repaired ones back to their happy owners. This guy stepped out and he was positioning himself against his truck. He stood still for a minute or so and stepped back in. Then suddenly I saw it. He was actually peeing against his own truck. I had seen taxi drivers stepping out there cars, peeing against the trees across the street, but this was a new one for me. The shop was just a few feet away, but still the truck seemed closer. I finished my tea and started up my computer. In my mind I still could see the poor truck weeping and I wept with him.
Today I was alone. Usually I hang out with friends, but this weekend I had all the time for myself. I am broke, so it was best to do the much needed and above all cheap chores in my house. So I did the dishes, I washed my tees and underwear and I did some shopping. All simple things and I can do them every day, but when I finally am ready to do them I feel tired, bored or have thought of many other excuses of not doing them. So I use my Sundays for the chores. And on occasion also the Saturdays. When I have time or feel like it, that is. So today I did them and I felt good about myself. So after wards I treated myself on a toast of ham and cheese and a toast of cheese and tomato. I was in town and the pub was nice. I sat outside sipping my cappuccino and eating the toasts. The sun was shining, so I felt good. A time not far ago was filled with fear; the fear of doing things alone. So in the past I never went to a pub alone. I only did things involving going in and out in a very fast way and being at home as quick as possible. But now I was sitting there and felt proud coming all this way. I still felt some fears inside, but I was determined not to let this fear rule my life. I took another bite and looked up. I saw couples sitting at the tables around me. They were talking, drinking and some were eating. They seemed happy. I look at the empty chair in front of me and suddenly I felt something happening deep inside my stomach. It gave me chills all over my body and sadness was overtaking me. I felt alone. I missed my girl. She was far far away in China and I wondered what she would be doing at this moment. Deep in my heart I knew I wasn't alone really. I knew she loved me and would want to spend her days with me, but the reality is that me and her still have to wait before we can be together. I paid the bill and stood up. I walked further. In my mind I hugged and kissed my girl. The empty feeling deep inside filled up again with her love. I knew I wouldn't be alone in the future. I just needed to wait.
I have a belly. Not that I'm proud of it, but I am fat. Not huge, but me and my belly have a love/hate understanding. I love eating. It's not that I am a very unhealthy eater. I only like candy and chocolate to some moderation. But I do like trying out new types of food, like mexican, Japanese or anything I haven't tried before. And when I like it, I can eat a lot. I sometimes even over eat. But at night I look at my belly and feel I need to do something about it. I did sports though, but I am more of a team player and my friends don't like sports. So I am still on my own. I am shy so I have a whole range of excuses telling me not to go. And sometimes I listen. My girlfriend likes some fat on me. So maybe I shouldn't worry. She is from a different culture in which most likely fat is considered a sign of being wealthy. In ancient times that was also the case here in Holland I suspect, so not a totally un logic thought of her. Fat means food and food means wealth. So in that case I must be a rich guy already Or rather someone with wrong priorities regarding myself. Yesterday I had a frozen meal mixed with beans and a low fat sauce, so I think I did Ok. I hope I can manage today, because I am already feeling hungry.
Many years ago I made music. Just simple music though. It was the time of house (now called old skool) and I loved it. So I tried to recreate it myself, just by listening and mixing it on my computer. I had an Amiga and a sound program. 4 Tracks and my imagination. Basically it's just mixing all the tracks together and using the right samples and tones. I always looked at it like a puzzle. If I moved this tone up and that down, how would it sound combined? Nowadays I don't do that anymore, but when ever I hear the music in my headphones I feel it itching. So I have a new program at home. More complicated then my old program, but that's because the PC is equally complicated. So it will take a lot of work and energy, but I am already looking forward in doing so. It's time to get my old hobbies back
A few years ago, before my parents left to live in a different part of Holland, I had a lunch date with my mom. Every Saturday we went for a sandwich and a coffee or tea. I had a cappuccino. And we talked. We talked about the past week. We just talked about the things bothering us. My mom wasn't great with listening, but still it felt Ok to me. I could get things off my chest and so could she. I was never close with my parents, but this weekly gathering still found a place in my heart and now I can say I miss it. So in the weekend I try to create the same, but then alone. I go to some shops, walk around and look for funny little trinkets. After that I usually go to a shop with a small restaurant. I browse around, look for little gifts for my girlfriend, maybe buy some lunch meat and then go upstairs. The restaurant isn't big and the meals are small. It's basically a few sandwiches, hot or cold, a few cookies and other sweetness and a choice of tea and coffee. In the summer I usually take the Ice coffee with either cinnamon or toffee flavor, but in winter - or just when I feel like it - I go for the cappuccino. They have one with a hint of caramel in it and a piece of fudge next to it. So I first gobble that up and then go for the cappuccino with the caramel syrup on top. Moments like that really relaxes me. I drink and look outside over the square. I look at people and dream away about past times, times I felt happy. And when I do my body gets warmer and warmer. I feel my lips curling into a soft smile while taking another sip of the creamy coffee. I miss my cappuccino.
Every morning it's a race between the metro and the train. I come from a small town and every morning I ride my bicycle to the train station so I can catch the morning train to work. The train is always packed so I need to stand. It takes about 20 minutes, so no problem for me. I just look outside and dream about far away and sunny places. Most people read their tabloids. It's after all free and when you say 'free' or 'gratis' as it's called in Dutch, everyone here is all over it. I just keep looking. No need for a newspaper when I can observe people and their morning rituals. Sometimes pretty amusing. At the end of the track I take the metro for about 3 minutes and then finishing with a 3 minute walk to work. But for some reason the train always seems to slow down when it reaches the last few 100 meters while the metro never waits for the people from the train wanting to hop over. So it's always a race of who will be first. If the train arrives before the metro, it would save me about 15 minutes of waiting time. Not that I want to go to work that badly, but I figure I already left my warm bed, my nice shower and my cozy home, so why keep dragging it. Better to be at work, drinking some hot tea and browsing the net for a bit to wake up. Beats standing on a cold platform This morning the train won.
It was a good and solid promise. No doubt about that. Me and a friend of mine would help out our mutual friend. She was on a vacation and had pets. It's what friends do. They take care of their pets in time of need. So we were her heroes and proud of it. The fact that her pets were three lizards didn't hurt us.. well much. I am a curious person and I am, almost always, in for new things. So I would feed them. I would feed the lizards crickets. No big deal right? Well at first it seemed Ok. Ok I had the image of a green grasshopper in my head, but when I opened the box I saw something smaller, something black and something - well for me anyways - similar to spiders. And believe me.. I hate spiders. But I was a hero, so I emptied the box. First box down, the next one ready. Same principle. The crickets didn't really jump. They walked or crawled, so it seemed easy. But all of a sudden one had the idea of making a run for it by jumping on my finger. Like a little schoolgirl I screamed and my partner in feeding obviously had the same school, so he also screamed. I can honestly say I don't like crickets now. We did laugh, but also felt a bit embarrassed. Nevertheless I continued with the third lizard. The friend opened the glass box and I reached with the plastic box inside my hand. Suddenly the lizard moved forward in a way I've never seen before. Usually they were slow and couldn't be bothered with anything, but feeding time is a different matter it seemed. It bit the box in the hope it would catch some crickets. Again I screamed. I felt less a hero. So I opened it as fast as I could and emptied the box. Dead and still alive crickets fell down in the sand while I closed the glass box. I was saved. Today I have to go again. I can already see those tiny black eyes. I wonder what's in store for me this time.
A long time ago I celebrated with the inhabitants of my town a yearly event called 'vacation week'. It got that name because it celebrated the end of the summer vacation (in Holland the school kids have a 6 week vacation period and in the 80s and 90s almost everyone went on a vacation at the same time. This is something not so common anymore, but the period stayed). Although I think it's maybe more a 'celebration' for the parents rather then for the kids, because after this week the schools would start again. So everyone in my town went to the vacation week, to have a few last laughs and joy before real life started again. This weekend I went again. There was a pop evening with a few Dutch bands I liked. The first one was unknown to me. It was a cover band. The music was kinda Ok, but not really my taste. Oldies like the Moody Blues and the Golden Earring were a sure fit, but Coldplay was out of reach for them. The second group was called Leaf and reminded me of Amy Whinehouse, but in a more cheerful way. They played in a big party tent and it was swamped with people. I danced and sang. It was nice. The third act was called Kane and a few years ago one of the biggest groups in Holland. But lately they didn't reach the number one spot in the charts anymore. Maybe because their new cd was a bit like the U2 experimental phase, so with synthesizers and less guitars. It was still nice though and the light show looked pretty good. But the field wasn't filled. It was crowded, but not as crowded as it used to be years ago. All in all I had a good Saturday and Wednesday I will go again, but this time for a Stand-up comedy show.
My grandma has moved to a new house. She has been living in her old house for more then 30 years. I've been there many times and saw everyone grow up in there. When my granddad was still alive we, as a family, had our Christmas parties there and also the end of the year celebrations. I still remember the joys I had seeing all the gifts nicely wrapped up and the delicious food we had in the evenings. Oh such sweet memories. The new house is smaller, but actually pretty nice, with a separate kitchen and a small bedroom for her alone. Since my grandma has problems with walking for a long while (she is 84), this was the better choice. No stairs in her new house and help near by. I am sure I will get used to the new house. Memories never go away. It has been good to see my grandma happy. That is all that matters. A new house is also a place to make new memories.
Yesterday I decided to treat myself on a book about China. Because of the Olympics China is hot in Holland, so I bought a book about culture, customs and more. All nicely decorated with colorful photos. Since my mood was all about China I ate at a wok-to-go, only I didn't go. I just looked outside the windows while eating and looked at the people passing by. I had rice, veggies and fried fish with a soy sauce. I like cooking, but since I'm usually very tired after working I choose the easy way and go either for a microwave meal or a wok meal. The latter is easy to cook. Just mix meat of your choice with veggies of choice, add some noodles (or rice depending on preferences) and a nice sauce. I either use a plumb sauce or hoisin sauce. But I wanted some variety, so I went to a Toko to look for it. I bought some noodles there, peanut butter, a milk drink and a hot sauce. I got all nicely bagged by the owner. At home I gave the bag to my cats. They love playing with plastic. They chase it and when their fake mouse is hidden underneath, they go bonkers and claw the bag all the time or run away and when returning jumping on it like as if it's a prey. They are 14, but still very active. So all in all I made all of us happy with simple things. A evening well spend
Or rather someone with wrong priorities regarding myself. 
